I don't know why, but the age of twenty has always seemed so old and responsible, like when I turned twenty, I would finally be a real adult and not feel like a kid anymore. But now that twenty looms over me, I don't want to be twenty. I know that once I finally am twenty, I'll get over it and be fine, but right now, I'm not so sure. It'll be my second birthday away from home, and just so many things have been happening lately that I don't want to even think about turning twenty. But think about it I do. I realized Monday that I had twenty days til I was twenty. Arg, life goes by too quickly. I know I thought that I was busy in high school, but honestly, I don't think I've ever been so busy in my life.Which leads me to stop talking about how depressed turning twenty makes me feel and instead talk about the past month and a half.
As soon as I got back to Biola, I was going non-stop. Torrientation was one of the best weeks of my life, but I hardly sat down for most of it. Preparing all the meals for 150 people was not as stressful as I thought it would be, but that was because I had such wonderful help every meal, and God worked a lot of miracles (mainly with the budget). God was very good to me that week. After being away from a community all summer, it was so great just to be thrown back into it, with everything just falling into place. The downside of the week was that I didn't get to get to know any freshmen really, because I was always in the kitchen. But it was still a fun job, and, even though it wasn't barbeque, I think I lived up to my name :)
Then I started my new job (at the library!) and classes started. First off, I don't want to complain. It really has been a really great semester: I love my job; it's very detail-oriented and of course with books and it's wonderful. I love my classes; American Lit, Music Theory, Torrey (we're reading the Pauline Epistles and a bunch of theology books), and I'm doing a piano duet with someone for an ensemble credit for my music minor. I've only done one other duet in my life, so it has been a new experience but a lot of fun so far! I'm also doing Torrey Total Bible (where we read the books of Bible that aren't in the normal Torrey curriculum, 6 extra sessions, 3 per semester) and my first session is this Saturday - hopefully it'll go well! And I'm doing a new mentorship program for Torrey women, where freshmen and sophomores are mentored by juniors and seniors. Our first meeting is Friday and I find out who my mentor is! So I'm also really looking forward to that.
However, while it's been good, it's also been stressful and emotional. I was feeling really weighed down by a bunch of different things that were happening to different people, and I kept finding out new things, and I didn't feel like I was doing anything right in Torrey, and my busy schedule wasn't helping me process things (especially an 8 o'clock class twice a week and getting to work at 8 two of the other days). I'm feeling better about that stuff, but now I'm just unsure about how I feel about turning twenty and it's got me in a funk. So I decided to blog about it, because I still can't really process my feelings. I'm also feeling a little homesick, this week especially. My cousin is getting married on Saturday and all my family is in town and I really wish I could be there to see everyone. But I can't. I didn't think I'd get homesick much this semester because of how I felt this summer, but I guess I was wrong.
Anyways, there's more I could say but I'm tired and want to go to bed. I thought I was going to go to bed early tonight, but here it is 11:45 (which is still early compared to when I've been going to bed this week). So good night world :)
"Oh, I'm running to Your arms. I'm running to Your arms. The riches of Your love will always be enough. Nothing compares to Your embrace. Light of the world, forever reign."
- Forever Reign, Hillsong