Something I've realized lately - life is never going to slow down. I think my life is crazy now, with school and a job and life, and that once I'm done with college I'll actually be able to do stuff that I don't have time for now. But why do I think my life is going to slow down when I'm done with college? I'll get a full-time job and be just as busy; and life will only get busier and faster until I retire and realize that I don't have hardly any life left. I shouldn't be surprised that it's already almost December in the year 2011, but I am. I keep thinking time will eventually slow down, but it never does. I'm trying to understand how I should live when it comes to random opportunities that life throws at me; I don't want to miss something that I'll never be able to do again, even if I think I'll have more time to do it later in my life, yet I can't do everything, no matter how much I want to. I'm not sure how many opportunities I should watch fly by, even if it's just a random social outing, and how many I should grab by the hand and force to take me along.
This semester has been a good semester; tiring, with many a late night, but good. Friendships have grown, knowledge has definitely grown, and I'd like to think that I've grown. I turned 20, which of course feels normal now, even if it is strange to think of myself as 20. My birthday was tons of fun - I went with some of my closest girlfriends to see Keith Urban at the Staples Center. I've converted them all to like country now. ;) I've successfully surprised three friends for their birthdays (two with my roommate's help, the third was for her!), discovered the joy and pleasure of doing homework in the huge, comfy, and glamorous hotel in Downtown Disney, been to the beach at least once a month, and almost completed watching season one of LOST with some friends (we're attempting a marathon - a season a semester and we'll be done by the time we graduate!). I spent a night at Lake Arrowhead and a weekend in Oceanside at Havilah's house (which is also where I spent Thanksgiving break - so fun!). I've eaten lots of Nutella and dark chocolate with sea salt (so yummy!) and have discovered that I like chai lattes, even though the caffeine makes me crazy. I've also discovered that I like tea when it's mixed with lots of french vanilla cream, or I can just drink the cream by itself (just so you know, I did not think to do that by myself!). I now know what it's like to work an 8-hour day, with half an hour for lunch being my only break. And that's just the fun stuff...
I've read 15 books (selections of some, all of the majority) for Torrey, not including the Bible (Paul's epistles, 7 so far, 6 still to go), learned lots more theology, been thoroughly immersed in American Literature before the Civil War for awhile now, and been reminded of many important music theory lessons. I've stayed up til 1 a.m. writing papers, spent 42 hours and 45 minutes studying the book of Ephesians (4,000 words and 4 chapters memorized so far), and managed to read and discuss six books of the Bible not for class credit (Torrey Total Bible). - All of this is just to prove to my parents that I'm not just having fun out here; I'm actually doing/learning stuff. ;)
I really want to go on Torrey Europe. It's a 2-week trip to 4 different countries in Europe (Germany, Czech Republic, Austria, and Italy) on a world opera tour. I've never been to Europe and I've always wanted to go to an opera. Some of my friends are going, and not only would it be a really fun trip, but I'd get 4 units of Torrey credit, too. And I need the units. However, it's really expensive, and I can't increase my loans to cover the cost. I missed the deadline to sign up for the trip because I didn't want to pay a non-refundable deposit since I wouldn't get that back if I ended up not being able to go. I was hoping they would still have spots available so I could sign up next semester. They do, so God hasn't completely shut the door on this trip for me. I know that He will provide the money for me to go if He wants me to go; my problem is, what if He doesn't want me to go? What if it's not in His plan for me? What if He says no? I know He wants me at Biola, so I know He'll provide for that, but I don't know for sure that He wants me to go on this trip. Like I said, He hasn't completely shut the door, but He hasn't made it clear yet either. I read verses that say, "Ask, and it will be given to you," and how God wants to give good gifts to His children, and I think, how could God not want this for me? So I've been praying, begging, everyday for Him to provide. I'm not sure what to do if He says no, though. I really want to travel this summer, and I've wanted to go to Europe for as long as I can remember.
That's been the main thing on my mind lately. Kind of going along with the life-doesn't-slow-down thought. In other news, I'll be home in time to see my mom's graduation! I'll be landing about two hours before it starts. And that'll be in 15 days! :) I can't wait to go home, and actually be home for longer than a week. That hasn't happened since before I left for college freshmen year. I'll be home half of December and all of January, and I am very much looking forward to it.
I shall leave you with a Christmas song:
"I am dreaming tonight of a place I love even more than I usually do, and although I know it's a long road back, I promise you, I'll be home for Christmas."
- I'll Be Home for Christmas, sung by many people